ABC

 

Making a Picture Speak

I was told that keeping a blog for your photography helps you remember where you've been, what you've tried, and importantly... what improvements you've made and continue to make. I've grown quite a bit while trying to teach myself about photography and simultaneously digital art. I've learned sooooo many wrong ways to do things. I have laughed at more mistakes than I have celebrated triumphs. I have suffered more dulldrums of "Why am I doing this? Where is this ever going to lead? Could my time be better spent elsewhere?" than I have had bright, hopeful thoughts about it. I guess it comes down to one thing: you need something in your life that can be your story. It may never lead anywhere, but I have had some of the wildest rides on my photography/ art explorations and experiments. I have some amazing memories to take with me and I have met some of the most inspiring and unique people that I never would have crossed paths with otherwise. I have seen places that are rotting away and still telling their stories. I have crawled over just about anything nature has decided to make in New England (all while gingerly protecting my camera even while I put it in imminent danger). I have hurt myself in some of the most inventive ways trying to get just the shot that jolted me. Most importantly, I have found a way to speak while still being able to be silent.


To get myself more in the spirit of blogging, something sort of foreign to me if you couldn't tell by the gap in posts ... Ok, if I'm honest, I forgot I had a blog. BUT, here I am, starting fresh... I thought I'd show some before and after shots, to give a feel of how I try to make a photo speak for me. Though a lot of photographers do not feel what I do can be classified in 'photography', I still feel that photography is my strongest base. Without the photograph being what I need it to be, I could never get to the end result. I also must shoot pictures differently, knowing how it will all fit together in the end, so most time my raw photos do not look up to par and professional - they're not supposed to.


Perhaps this wasn't the most zesty of posts, but it's a fine start.

Becoming Complete

My second addition to the 26th 52 Project:

Becoming Complete

(c) 2010 A. Fusion

Each photo is supposed to have a deeper meaning to it and each time, I need to find a new way to express that so that my ideas and photography do not become stale. Plus, self portraits are actually much harder than taking another person's portrait. Strange but true.

In order to understand how this photo came about, you'd have to understand how my signature came about. A. Fusion is a play on words. A can be taken to mean Angela or it can just be A. It can also resemble my initials of AF. I chose this name, because when I started with photography and graphic design, it ended up being the media I needed to sew up all my contrasting sides. Art teachers always hated my use of contrast and light. Some of them didn't like my subject matter. Some didn't like the way I composed my drawings. Etc. Etc. There has always seemed to be these conflicting sides in my personality that battle each other constantly. A lot of times, this came out in my artwork. It doesn't help when you are drawing or sculpting, but for some reason, all these sides came together and worked together perfectly with photography. They didn't completely come together, they just began to play nice with each other. So I began my signature A. Fusion, which actually means 'a fusion of contrasts' to me. Photography is what finally made me feel whole.

Sooooo I tried to show a few different conflicting sides and how they are slowly coming together. The 'face life head on' side, the 'always worrying/ feeling needlessly guilty' side, and the 'insecure yet confident' side of myself (just to name a few). They seem to be the biggest contenders for the spot light. Even when we see that something is a 'fault' in ourselves, it is still part of us, still part of what makes up who we are. If they don't work together, you don't work. One keeps the other in check.

Also, just because I am in love with my hat, I did a bonus picture, unrelated to this project :) I loved the way the lighting worked for it.

Reflection

(c) 2010 A. Fusion

My 52 Project - EPIC FAIL

Well I had a plan, I had some ideas... and I failed. I was supposed to do one portrait a week, beginning on my 25th birthday and ending on my 26th birthday. Well, I got the birthdays.... sigh. I am thinking of trying again now and sticking to it. I think it could really help me improve my skills with concepts, framing, lighting, and dedication. I wanted it to be like a photographic journal and I acheived that with the few portraits I did.

So here is the beginning of the 2010-2011 52 Project:

I CAN'T WORK LIKE THIS!!!!

(c) 2010 A. Fusion

I wanted to try and pay a little penance for failing so miserably, so I tried to think of a portrait that would embody as many things as possible: what I have been doing for most of my 25th year, what is important to me, how and why my life has evolved and changed over the last few months, and who it has all turned me into.

When I do a portrait, of myself or anyone else, I always try to show something deeper that I am seeing that perhaps other people do not see. For the last few months, I have been in the start up phase for a side business for my photography, something that has brought me GREAT joy! I have always loved the art field, but until I picked up a camera, I didn’t fully realize what medium was going to be best for me. I was given an old film camera from my oldest brother when I was 13 and found I had a somewhat good eye for capturing a picture. Then in 2006 I decided to buy myself a Cannon Powershot and get into the digital age. I miss that camera immensely. You grow fond of your equipment until they turn into something akin to an old friend. I began teaching myself by making mistakes or seeing what worked and what I thought looked horrible. Then I began teaching myself Adobe Photoshop. After that it was unbreakable love. I used to drag my friends in front of the camera and when they got tired of it, I would run out to abandoned psych hospitals, train stations, or factories simply to take pictures.

It wasn’t until recently that things changed. I moved to East Greenwich in October, perhaps the nicest place to live in RI, and started my life over. At least that’s the way it feels to me now. Everything began to change. I started getting requests for portraits and living in such a beautiful place, it was easy finding locations to do them, unlike where I lived prior. I found I had a penchant for them and found that I could make them fun for those who were getting them done, rather than having it be so stuffy and professional. I met many new people that I don’t know how I lived without prior to this! I found that I could finally accept myself and all my random, strange, goofiness. In essence, I finally came out of my little introverted shell.

The portrait is titled I CAN’T WORK LIKE THIS because it’s been a running joke since I started. I think I say it during each shoot now, just because it makes me giggle. It sums up the process for me – goofy and fun. It’s a lot of work for me, and I won’t lie, I am usually exhausted and stretched for time, but it’s worth it when my models give me a huge hug at the end and tell me how much fun it was and how excited they are to see the finished products.

So to summarize, my 26th birthday came on a tide of easy joy and happiness, contentment with my life, and excitement for the future. This is just who I am now and I wouldn’t change it. If even one thing had happened differently (we all look back and think about our decisions and how we could have done this or that better), then I would not be right here, right now, loving life and all the people that are in it now. Everything has happened for a reason and most of the fun of life is finding out what that reason is.

Let's try this project one more time, shall we?!

It always starts with Poco...

I’m adding a new chain of portraits for my 52 project (which I have sorely neglected until I realized time was running out – then again, 25 was much more boring than I would have expected. I’m thinking 26 is going to be a blast. Possibly another year project is in order. I will stick to it this time!). The 52 Project was like a diary for me using self portraits rather than words. With less than a month to go… I have very little to show for it. So now I have begun to take portraits showing who I am rather than what’s going on at the time.

I started this series because animals are a big part of me. I don’t remember a time in my life where there weren’t at least two animals in my house at any given time. Now I own five of my own, which I know sounds ridiculous, trust me. Each one took a piece of me, or had it all along which is why I picked them. So I felt it was fitting to do a portrait with each one, which is something I have never done before, and show what each one’s defining characteristic is to me.

Kisses (c) 2010 A. Fusion

It always starts with Poco… He is the oldest of my animals, weighing in at 8 years old. He’s a Plum Headed Parakeet that talks and will live to the ripe old age of 40. He was the only successfully bred bird for his breed in RI. Poco is my independence. He has always been more than able to take care of himself and has proven it on a few occasions. We have a strong but comfortable bond, one born of compromise, Duck Hunt sprayings when he decided he wanted to be a smart ass, and an easy kind of love. I chose this portrait for him because it was the first thing he learned to do. It’s a bird kiss!

I Ate The Apple (c) 2010 A. Fusion

(Her 1'st portrait was named Eat The Apple)

Who needs a boa? Wear a python, they’re cooler! LOL Pandora is a 3 & ½ year old pastel ball python and has a life span of about 25 years. She is supposed to get to 6ft but i think she'll peak at 5. She is curremtly about 4ft long. Pandora appeals to the fighter in me. When push comes to shove, we are both fighters and won’t give up. This snake has come back from two brushes with death in her short few years of life. The first when she was merely six months old. She stopped eating, got a severe respiratory infection, was given the wrong meds, and came extremely close to death. I was doing injections every two days to her (yea, try that shit with a snake! It was most definitely a two person job!) and had weekly tube feedings of all meat dog food (vet recommended, I’m not psychotic). Finally after 8 months she ate her first mouse and began recovering which took months. She will always be a little stunted but she lived. The second came when she was 2 and broke the ligament attaching her two jaw bones, right where your chin is. When she tried to reset the bone, she pushed it through the skin inside her mouth and speared her tongue, missing her trachea (and a painful death) by mere centimeters. She had to wait through the night to see a herp vet in the morning, who reset her jaw bone. Talk about an animal with a flare for the dramatic!

I’m still working on the rest, but I’ll have the series complete before the dead line of my 52 Project. :)

Trapped

Trapped , originally uploaded by A. Fusion.

I'm trying to do more self portraits at intregal times in my life, like a photographic diary. I started off with what I called "My 52 Project" but I found that life just kept getting in the way and I couldn't keep up with it. So I've decided to try and take a portrait whenever I've reached something somewhat major/ emotional. I find it helps me vent off those emotions easier.

I had just moved in with my boyfriend after a short time being together and we were fighting. It was one of those adjustment fights. He's going through a lot right now and it hasn't been the least bit easy for me either. I was feeling trapped in a decision I wasn't sure I'd made correctly. I was worried that it wouldn't get better, that this is how it would always be, and that I was trapped in the situation.

I think photography or art in general, truly helps people vent and work through their problems. What one person can look at and derive a meaning from is completely different than what the person who created it will derive from it. I think that's why art is so interesting to me.

I'm glad to say we're doing much better and I don't feel quite so trapped anymore. We've got a long road ahead of us but we're still on it and still working at it.

<3>

Dedicated to Travis, when we'd decided to move in together:

(c) 2009

A. Fusion

A New Idea for a New Year of Life

Well, I've made a decision on the cusp on my 25th year. It's derived mostly of artistic boredom, but a bit of inquisitive intrigue is mixed in as well. I've wanted to try out the 365 Project, but it always seemed a bit tedious and I knew I'd grow tired of it quickly, although artisticly speaking, it would be worth it to improve my skills, ideas, and techniques. So I have decided to try to do an adaptation of this project:

Beginning on the first day of the 25th year of my life, I will take the first self portrait. This will surely be the hardest as it needs to convey what I feel about being alive for a quarter of a century. I don't have fears of growing old... I am simply in awe of how much time thus far that I have been given. I am also ashamed of how little use I have made of that time. Perhaps this project will teach me about myself, will help motivate me to not only figure out what I want in life, but how to attain it when I do figure it out. It must sound silly - taking a picture of yourself to help you understand who and what you are. If I were simply taking a photo of my smiling face I would agree, but my hope is that I will not provide the normal standard self portrait but try to convey a message with each picture. How this will be done I have not decided. I believe I will work on deciding each week and take it from there.

Now to consider the first picture... How exactly do I feel about turning 25? Strangely I feel a bit of nothingness... a bit of hollowness at the idea. I do not feel that I have fullfilled what I should have by this time. I have no delusions about sociollogical goals that should have been obtained by this point - I merely feel that I have not acheived enough of the goals I had when I was younger. Although our goals evolve and change, as mine indeed have, they still stay the same at the heart of them. Perhaps I will make a list of my incomplete goals and begin finding the route to get to them. And perhaps I have just found the first photo....

Stay tuned ;)